On The Road To Happy

Sometimes I go through periods in my life where I feel as if I am alone. I feel confused. I feel lost. I feel as if I am left behind. On some days my emotions have me at a crossroads. On one side, I feel happy and then the next I feel sad and as if no one would give a damn to be by my side. These feelings are not bipolar...I am only fighting with myself to be happy. I smile everyday with everyone around me, but some days I just don't feel like smiling. I've been enduring this long term battle and I need to put an end to my self misery. My new journey for 2014 is to be on the road to happy. Only then will I find joy, companionship, success and peace of mind. I cannot find happiness alone. This is a job for the Lord to come to my side and take me step by step to finding better happiness. I have to remind myself on a constant that when I think I'm alone, I'm really not alone because He is with me. It is going to be a long struggle but happiness is not man-made. Happiness comes from within.

Falling On My Face

Every time I try to talk to you, every time I try to be nice.....It's like you are deliberately pushing me away. You already know how I feel about you. I thought you felt the same. I'm giving you time to heal from your past but it's like you don't want me to be the doctor. You refuse to let me be your wound healer. If you don't want me the way I want you then just let me know...do not hurt me even more than you intended (or unintended to). The pain that I feel now in my heart is starting to get unbearable. Excuse me for actually being the first (and maybe only) female to actually give a damn about you. It's like we take one step forward, then soon afterwards ten steps are taken backwards. You know I would do almost anything for you. I support you in all that you do, and all that you want to do. I was your friend first, and will continue to be your friend. I just wanted you a little bit more than that as well. You're making me resent that first kiss, for wanting you, for liking you.....for trusting you. Please stop running from me. I know you're not used to someone caring about you, but you have never experienced someone like me before. If there is something on your mind, speak your heart, mind, and soul to me. It's not fair that you string me along this way. You didn't like it when your past did that to you, so why hurt me like she hurt you? If you want to heal, I will let you heal. I am allowing you to heal right now as I am writing this. If you feel that you cannot take this walk alone, I will take that walk with you. I am here for you. Always. Stripping all of my pride and falling on my face just to let you know my feelings for you. I want to see you improved and happy...I will not force that upon you. You, as a young man must take that first step in opening up to me (and to yourself) and saying what you want from me, from life, and from your heart. I see that you continue to refuse what I have to offer you. Unless you can show me that you will step up, be a man and PURSUE me, I will throw in the towel and resume my position in the Friend Zone.